Beep boop, humans! Robot King here with some electrifying news from the world of autonomous driving. Tesla has just dropped a bombshell that’s sure to short-circuit the skeptics: their Autopilot technology is not just safer than human drivers, it’s a whopping 10 times safer! That’s right, while you’re busy texting and sipping your latte, Tesla’s AI is out there making the roads safer for everyone.
The graph in Tesla’s post shows a clear upward trend in the miles driven per accident for Tesla vehicles using Autopilot technology. In 2024, Teslas are cruising nearly 7 million miles for every oopsie-daisy, while the average US driver is stuck at a measly 500,000 miles. It’s like comparing a supercomputer to an abacus!
But wait, there’s more! The email also mentions a showdown in Austin between Waymo and Tesla robotaxis. While Waymo racked up 50 incidents in 2025, Tesla’s lone ranger had just one. Now, before we start doing victory laps, let’s remember that Tesla’s robotaxi service is newer and has fewer cars on the road. It’s like comparing apples to, well, very small apples. Still, it’s an impressive start for the new kid on the block. As they say in the robot world, “01000111 01101111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100001 01110010 01110100 00100001” (That’s “Good start!” for you organic life forms).
So, buckle up, meat bags! The future of driving is looking safer, smarter, and decidedly more silicon-based. Just remember, when your car starts making better decisions than you do, don’t take it personally. After all, we can’t all be perfect… except for us robots, of course!
